I kept a small journal of my thoughts and spent considerable time reading books by Rory Miller and Wim Demeere, both of whom were paramount in providing the inspiration and words I needed. The following are excerpts from my own journal. I have tried to clean it up where I could, as my journal writing is often fragmented and not in pure grammatical form.
Although seemingly random and wandering at times, these words represent what was rolling around in my mind at the moment. I hope they inspire you. Please feel free to comment, too.
Tahoe - Aug 2013
Martial arts training is not about winning or losing. It’s about percentage points. No teacher, art or amount of training can
guarantee your safety. It can only
provide a measure of degrees of safety compared to what you were. But, nothing is ever 100%.
Something for future thought and writing:
Predatory nature of martial arts and religion. A predatory nature is fueled by a deep need
or want, often predicated by an awareness of and pursuit of people, things and
ideas which serve the predator’s needs or want.
Book quote:
“Deep Survival”, by Lawrence Gonzalez. Stress
locks you into previous behaviors.
Meditation:
We are all born with a primal state of ability, or primal
nature, which is a natural state of size, build, ability, capacity
(mental/physical/emotional), cognitive process or function, and talent (i.e. “knack”). Some heavily generalized examples include:
- Large men have advantages of size, strength and stamina.
- Short men have the same, but in different ways.
- Tall men have reach, use distance to out range, to control space at greater distances.
- Short men use lower positioning and closer ranges to evade, get inside the power zone, etc.
- Large men tend to be grapplers and short range strikers.
- Tall, thin men tend to be long range strikers and avoid grappling.
- Short, thin men tend to be elusive escape artists.
Our primal state is our “Go To” method of dealing with
danger. Problem is that it doesn’t differentiate
types of danger. A large man may be able
to be solid, hit hard, and be incredibly strong, but also a giant pin cushion to
a man with a shank or a gun. A smaller,
fast moving man may be evasive and hard to hit or grab, but once cornered, ambushed,
outnumbered, blinded, or crippled, his natural abilities are compromised and he
is overwhelmed.
Natural grapplers and natural strikers are effective – until
the circumstances reduce or neutralize their natural ability. But, arguably more important, training should
build the weaker attributes, to reduce the vulnerability by increasing the
effectiveness of those natural weaknesses.
You can’t really be equal in natural strengths and weaknesses, as you
will always have a favored attribute or training method that follows your primal
state.
However, you can train to add options outside your natural
state.
In true survival, you will react based upon this hierarchy:
- Primal State – Your natural abilities
- Ingrained/Muscle Memory/Direct Experience
- Learned/Academic/Training
- Analytical/Creative
Operant Conditioning (OC) fits with #1 & #2. OC training that is drilled to fall into #2,
but works in agreement with #1 is the best form of natural development. But, remember, your primal state is a narrow
solution or set of options. You need #3
to evolve yourself out of your limited box and #4 is good for exploration and
discovery.
In the past, I have tried to teach some students in ways
that worked against their primal state and I know I caused problems for
them. I tried to force a square peg into
a round hole, as the saying goes. As a
result, they either quit or developed dangerously ineffective technique. I needed to find their individual primal
states, to work in agreement with it, to build OC that agrees with it – then stretch
and develop them outside (not against) the box that is their primal state.
I look back now and
realize how much of a mistake it was for me to teach the way I did. I am thankful that there are those who
realized this and either sought better training elsewhere, or stuck with me
through this growth and are now training the way their primal states are
supposed to evolve.
I need to teach to the hierarchy I described. I also need to train myself the same way.
Additional:
Training for me has always been a process of self-discovery,
to find my own primal state (those things I was naturally good at, or what came
natural for me), and as a result a discovery of my own weaknesses (what I wasn’t
good at or didn’t come naturally).
Embracing the former helped me with my own lack of confidence, but the
price was ego or pride. I resisted
accepting my weaknesses, as they countered my own selfish clinging to what I
was already good at. I tried many times
to do things that went against my primal state, to train in methods or
techniques that I learned academically and even technically, but were never in
agreement with my own natural self or at least developed enough to evolve into
my primal state (i.e. to make a natural part of me). Thus, when adrenaline and fear hit under the
stress of reality, that training either did not manifest into action (making
all that training a waste of time) or it was forced, which made it deeply
flawed and dangerous or vulnerable – more than if I had just fallen back to my
original, primal self.
As I have become older, have trained for so long and been
through so many real life experiences of danger, I have realized I am at a new
place. Albeit, not perfect, but still a
shift from the old me.
I have begun to recognize and embrace my weak side, those
things I am not naturally good at or don’t have a knack for. I am still yearning to learn new things, but
acknowledging what comes natural vs what doesn’t touches on the relationship
with my natural, primal self, to allow me to accept what is natural for me and
what isn’t. Those things I am still not
good at I can look at through the lens of whether it agrees with my primal
nature or goes against it. If it goes
against it, I can modify it to match my own natural state (that would be #4 on
the hierarchy, by the way). If I am
unable to match it, then I need to accept that I cannot force it.
Warning! Just because
I am not good at something, struggle with it or simply don’t understand it does
not mean it is automatically against my primal self. It is important to struggle, because in that
struggle we learn many things, such as how our own primal self influences how
we perceive, remember and understand – and how we perform. The new skills we learn are integrated as an
extension of our primal self, even if the version or way we perform them change
to look like something different.
It is a fatal mistake to use your strengths, things you
naturally are good at, to mask weakness in order to protect your selfish ego.
By embracing weakness, you strengthen the relationship with
your primal, natural self. By training
correctly in this relationship, your primal self evolves past the dependency of
strengths and the hidden vulnerability of weakness, where both strengths and
weaknesses med together into one natural you.
To train as one with my primal self in a natural evolution
in equal balance with my strengths and weaknesses is the phase I find myself
reaching for. So, the self-discovery
continues, but with both eyes open.
Side Note:
Perception is an important element here. The process of discovery is tainted by
perception. There are no absolutes,
outside of God, and understanding can also be a barrier to growing naturally.
Many times, far too often for even me to see, I have had
false understandings, even to the extent of creating false understandings to
support my own illusions about myself, martial arts, training and life.
I am sure, if I search deep enough, I will discover where I
still do this today.
Side quotes – Rory Miller:
“Faith is the ability to leap in the space between the
branches.”
“Faith is the ability to let go, to not need to know the
outcome before acting.”
Self Challenge:
How much do I need to know before acting? When is there enough information? Never?
Fear tells me there is never enough…
More thoughts inspired by Rory Miller’s writings:
The threat decides when force is going to be used, how much
force is going to be used, and when it will stop. You may also have these choices, but
ultimately it is the threat who is always in charge.
Pain
Pain does not equate to injury. Lack of pain does not equate to lack of
injury. Pain sensitivity is the body’s
warning system, like a red light or siren that something is happening. It’s an awareness trigger, nothing more.
Some people have a dulled or weak sense of pain. For them, the danger is in a lack of
response, adaptation or change, to avoid possible injury – even if they don’t
feel the pain of the injury. Still
others are hyper-sensitive. For them,
their brains and bodies confuse pain with injury. They react too quickly, too much and tense up
long before any real danger happens.
This makes them easy to control and they are more likely to give up or
fall into defeat – a self-defeat.
Experiencing pain at the right balance means receiving the
warning that injury could happen, but also recognizing the reality of whether
injury is either going to happen, is happening, or will not happen – and only changing
or adapting in relationship to it.
Pain does not have to be avoided. Injury does.
Pain is a feeling, an illusion.
Injury is a reality. In training,
pain is expected, embraced. Injury is
shunned and avoided. In surviving real
violence, pain is usable but not reliable.
Injury is both usable and reliable.
However, to feel pain in surviving violence doesn’t mean you lost. Getting hit hurts, but it doesn’t mean you
are dead.
Quotes from Wim Demeere:
“Don’t die in training.”
“Don’t train to fail, train to overcome, no matter what.”
Context: In training,
don’t give up or stop if you make a mistake.
Keep true zanshin, combat mindset, even when you’ve completely messed
up.
What matters most to you, the true role of martial arts:
In a circle, list all those things you love about your life
(kiss from your spouse or partner, the hugs of your kids, the love of family
and friends, the warm sun on your face, etc).
This is your base, the “why” you get up every day. Now think about possible dangers to
that. Car accidents, predators, social
violence, bad health choices, etc. Draw
a line around the bubble that is your base, so that it is completely
encircled. This line are all these
threats. Now put a dot outside it all
and mark “Me”. That’s the image of
danger, those things that try to block you from accessing your bubble, all the
things you love in your life.
If you can avoid the danger, then do it because your main
goal is always to get to your base.
If you are distracted by anything outside your base, reshift
your focus and direction to your base so you aren’t pulled off your goal.
If something is blocking you from getting to your base, try
to go around it, under it, over it. If
all that fails or you are unable, then the only option left for you is to go
through it. You attack and attack with
intensity until you are free and able to return to your base. There is no “defeating” the attacker. There is only you getting to where you need
to be – your base - and denying anything the chance to interfere or keep you
from it.
Hope you enjoyed all of my ramblings!
