Buyu

Friends...

I have many kinds of friends, like work friends, friends of friends, friends I see maybe once in a while, friends I see all the time, and even Facebook "friends" whom I've never personally met but share a common interest or two.  All my friends share important roles in my life and our connection is always maintained in some way, even with distance and time between us.

I even have those friends from my military "past life" and those who I've never served with, but because of our common military background, we just click as friends.

There are some friends who I consider family, because the connection of history and life between us is so intertwined that our relationship is no different than a family member.  In fact, some friends I am closer to than my own family, in the sense that they've shared more of my life than many members of my own family.

But, out of all those kinds of friends, none of them come close to the kind of unique relationship that exists with my friends in martial arts.  The martial arts are not the same as the military, yet they encompass a sort of pseudo military context.  However, the pursuit of martial arts is as much a personal quest of self-discovery as it is about learning survival and fighting skills.  It is this point that puts friendships in martial arts on a unique platform from all other kinds of friendships.  True "buyu" (martial arts friends) have a kinship with each other because each knows the internal and external struggles the other continues to face as they progress in training.  Each one knows there are ups and downs, success and disappointment, and the all-too-familiar question of "why" they each keep training.  They each know the walls, the plateaus, the high from moments of "getting it" and the lows of not "getting it".
There is a level of honesty that goes beyond boasting, masks and ego.  They know in the end, it's what they do on the mat that ultimately reveals the truth.  True buyu is based on respect because they each know they are willing to allow the other to see their imperfections, share in their success and lean on each other in their challenges.

It's a friendship that is truly unique and one to be cherished, nurtured and valued.

At the same time, this trust should not ever be violated.  Real buyu don't turn on each other, don't lead the other to failure, don't seek harm to the other and don't abandon the other in a time of need.

Recently, I have seen martial arts friends talk critically of each other, make fun of certain behaviors and do things that would be perceived as violating that spirit of trusted buyu.  But, I've also seen those same people be the first to stand up and welcome each other with hugs and even come to the defense of a fellow buyu against someone saying derogatory things.

My point is that we, as buyu, may bicker with each other, we may talk trash with each other, we may poke fun at each other, but when it comes down to it, we will still back each other up and defend each other against those not part of the special relationship that exists between us.

Funny, but that's exactly how it is in even the closest of families!  Coincidence?  I think not.